Home Sweet Home

I'm a lazy blogger... like, totes magotes lazy. I've been meaning to introduce y'all to my new home for a while now, and since I’ve been there since early May I’d say it’s time. There’s so much more I need to tell you about the fabulous Kingdom of Swaziland, but cannot until you know more about my new residence.

I started this here entry about a month ago when something really excited happened and I couldn’t wait to tell you all about it. I went home for lunch one day whilst working, sat outside and finished my sandwich, then read some of "The Help" (Sharon!) when all of a sudden I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye. Up until this point, that would usually mean one of the stinky pigs wanted to check out my sandwich... but not on this day folks... it was an ostrich. An ostrich walked by me as I was enjoying a lazy lunch break in the sun. And I didn't even know Swaziland had them. An ostrich!

Here’s some photographic evidence if you don’t believe me...

So hang on to your seat, because this is the post where I tell y'all about my new home!

Not sure how to describe it... but it's part farm, part game reserve and there are animals ALL OVER THE PLACE (which means there’s lots of poop, people). My home is specifically a cottage on a piece of land with horse stables, my boss's mother-in-law, and all the folks that work the property, while surrounding the farm is a game reserve started at one point in time by the family. The property is gated and there are guards that let me in & out which makes feel all Out of Africa... totally not going to lie about that.

The mother-in-law lives in the main house about 10 feet from my cottage... my side door looks directly into her kitchen and as soon as I get my act together, new curtains are in order. Depending on where you are standing, my side door also looks directly into a pig pen.... totally not exaggerating at all. The pig pen is home to some mamas and some papas, grandma and grandpa, and some piglets. Next to the pig pen is a chicken coop with a shit ton of chickens and at least two roosters that wake me up around 3 AM every morning. On the other side of the cottage is where the workers live. And to be honest, I’m not entirely sure who lives there because it’s seems to be a hot spot in Swaziland (which is another reason why I need new curtains).

Oh, I have a maid.

Yes, a maid.

And y'all thought I was gonna be roughing it in Africa. Joke's on YOU! She makes my bed, does my dishes, washes and irons my clothes, and cleans my dirtiness. It makes me feel sorta funny, but don't worry... I'm learning to cope. (Jen & Kathy... if you are reading this blog... thanks for teaching me how to wash my clothes by hand in India... but it was totally unnecessary!)

And let me tell you about all the critters...

There are pigs and chickens... sometimes I find goats outside my doors, and of course tons of horses AND AN OSTRICH... and then because we are on the edge of a game reserve, there is also a ton of impala, blesbok, zebras, monkeys, and the cutest warthogs that you have ever seen. Within a ten minute walk into the game reserve, there is also kudu and wildebeast, but I have yet to find them roaming the property. And then a longer walk into the game reserve you will find crocodiles and hippos!! Out of Africa!

Believe it or not, out of all my furry friends roaming the property, the pigs are by far my favourite... and I had to move to Africa to figure this out. I wasn’t really bonding to them in the beginning, but then I went to Botswana in May for a week... came back... and there were ten piglets and I was hooked. I would spend an hour a day just staring at them, and consequently I started bonding with grandpa, the two mamas, and their ginormous udders. It’s not far from the truth to say that these pigs were my first friends in Africa. (Although, I’m a little ticked off because grandpa bit me in the arm yesterday as I giving his ears a little massage...)

My other friend is my boss’s 7-year old niece who occasionally spends the weekend with grandma. She’s an assertive little lady who frequently walks into my cottage unannounced and I have started calling her “boss”. The other day she walked in, covered in dirt and still wearing her riding boots, and demanded I changed the channel to Disney... I told her there was no way her dirty bottom was sitting on my bed and that she immediately must take off her riding boots... she then told me I was sooooo “town” and that she has no problems picking up poop with her bare hands. (I gave the remote a good disinfecting after she left...)

And the helper guys... *sigh*... Africa is making me so horny. I have a new crush every day, and one guy looks just like Omar Epps. To be continued...

But, of course this is Africa... the other day I was making cupcakes for the office and the electricity went out. With the help of one of the guys that lives next door, we were able to restore it... but then the water went out after my hands were completely covered in chocolate frosting. That was a tricky situation. AND... a week ago I came back from St. Lucia and there was an ant infestation in my bathroom. Thankfully the helper guys came to the rescue but when I told mom-in-law her response was that they were probably thirsty. I am learning to be patient. (On a good note, I finally got my cable installed and on the first night there was a Law & Order: SVU marathon on!)

So, despite the ants, I'm loving it here... the property is surrounded by beautiful mountains and it's like a little piece of heaven in southern Africa. I spend my time walking the property, feeding apples to the piggies, having dirty thoughts of Swazi Omar Epps, and trying to avoid all the poop along the way. And this might sound cliche, but as I type this entry I'm sitting outside my cottage... listening to the sounds of nature, scanning the night sky for the southern cross, and rocking out to Paul Simon's "Under African Skies". Seriously, folks... how African am I? (Or how American am I trying to be totally African?) (But still more AFRICAN than YOU so THERE!)

Come visit me :)

Oh, and say hi to Ben... he’s our Canadian IT guy who swears he’s like a Hardy boy and can find my blog. Other than the pigs, and my boss’s niece... he’s my only friend in Swaziland.